There are seven “C’s” which every marriage must sail in if they are to survive.
With the divorce rate at an ever increasing rate, and the very foundations of marriage as an institution challenged on every side, we must apply daily these “C’s”. These were from a wedding ceremony I did for my niece’s wedding. I thought they would be good for anyone to know.
The seven “C’s” of marriage:
1. Commitment
Without being committed to one another and to God a harmonious marriage cannot last long. I urge you to pray together each and every day. Read the Bible together and share. Give yourselves fully to each other. The Bible says:
1Corinthians 7:4 “The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.”
1Corinthians 7:10 “To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband.”
2. Compromise
When two people live together there must be compromise. Give and take. The husband is commanded to love and honor the wife thus fulfilling the solemn vow you have just made. The wife is commanded to submit to her husband - not in an overbearing manner but in unity. Let me tell you, it makes for a healthy marriage if you can learn to discuss your differences and compromise in your decisions.
3. Communication
This is a crucial “C”. Communication is only possible if one is listening and trying to understand the other who is speaking. Sometimes the spouse doesn’t even need to be speaking! Stop what you are doing and give devoted attention to the other. Set aside blocks of time for communication and undivided attention.
4. Courtesy
Courtesy is kindness, good manners, being a gentleman and a lady. It almost seems an old fashioned concept in this day and age, but it is important for good marriage relationship. J B Phillips translated 1 Corinthians 13: 5 “Love has good manners.” Men, do the dishes, set the table, open the door, help her get her coat on or off, give her flowers, say something nice, never say anything ugly, smile a lot, laugh a lot together.
-5. Comedy
Proverbs 15:13 “A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit.”
Let there be laughter. Joy is the mark of a Christian life - or should be. Laughter is good for the soul. Go ahead, be a clown get that frown off your face. Tell a joke, do something silly together! Watch a funny movie. I recommend The Stupids for some good original, clean humor.
6. Covenant
As I mentioned earlier a covenant is not the same as a contract. The ring is a symbol of a covenant - an everlasting agreement, an alliance. In Portuguese it is interesting that the word for ring is the same as the word for covenant (Aliança). A vow is a covenant.
Ecclesiastes 5:4 “When you make a vow to God, do not delay in fulfilling it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow.
Ecclesiastes 5:5 “It is better not to vow than to make a vow and not fulfill it.
Ecclesiastes 5:6 “Do not let your mouth lead you into sin. And do not protest to the temple messenger, “My vow was a mistake.” Why should God be angry at what you say and destroy the work of your hands?
A covenant is not based on the other’s performance or not. It is unilateral - one sided. God’s love for us is unconditional, so should our love be for our spouse.
It is interesting that as recently as 40 or 50 years ago, covenant was still a common phrase in the wedding ceremony.
7. Charity
The seventh “C” that you will have to sail is charity. It’s an old fashioned word which we often translate “Love” these days. I’m not talking about charitable organizations here. I’m talking about pure and simple LOVE. Love bears all things, the Bible says. Without love there is no intimate relationship. Love is a gift from God. Godly love is unconditional. It does not depend upon the other party or their behavior. It is genuine. Love is not just a physical attraction, but a spiritual commitment.
Ephesians 5:28-31 “In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no-one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church - for we are members of his body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”
Read 1 Corinthians 13 every night for the first month of your marriage until you begin to grasp the meaning of Love.
Closing thoughts:
A surefire way of maintaining these “C’s” is to pray together as husband and wife. We learned an awesome way of doing that from Bob and Audrey Meisner:
When you pray, first look each other in the eyes, and the husband goes first. He will start by thanking the Lord for everything that he can think of regarding his wife.
Next, he will ask forgiveness for anything he has done to hurt or offend her. I showed this to a young couple one time and they said “Yikes! We’ll be up all night doing this!”
Then the husband prays a blessing over her. He can bless her with things great and things small, with wisdom, affirmation, words of love, abilities and skills, success in her goals for the next day. There are many things you can pray over your wife which will bless her. Just ask the Lord what he wants to say to her and He will direct you.
Then it is the wife’s turn to pray these same things over her husband. If you do that regularly – if everybody did that, I bet there would be NO divorces.
We have a great series of seminars which help teach you how to impart blessing. Just go to www.familyfoundations.com to see if there is one in your area.